Depression
Oct. 10th, 2006 11:49 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
jreilly4261My 17 year long struggle with chronic intermittent depression continues. I met a new doctor today who I may feel comfortable dealing with. She has been my wife's doctor for the last 15 years. I really felt the doctor listened to me today, even let me ramble a little. She ended up prescribing citalopram (generic Celexa), a selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRI) anti-depressant. It comes in a teeny-tiny pill I will take once a day.
I really loathe depression. It's so irrational. Lately, I've been having so many anxiety attacks. I'm afraid of the telephone at work. I'm afraid of my boss' boss, who is a perfectly nice guy who has so many other things to focus on besides me. I'm freaked out about reports at work and homework for school. These are things I know I should be able to do, but I generally feel paralized. The prospect of writing this entry and the one right after it seem horribly daunting--they should be a breeze.
My doctor and pharmacist inform me that citalopram is relatively fast acting (2-4 weeks for first effects, 4-8 weeks for substantial effects). I hope so. My depression tends to add to my wife's stress levels. She takes such good care of me. I let her know how I was feeling last week and she called the doctor's office and got my appointment moved from January 2007 to today. I think I'd have already quit my job before getting to a January appointment (says nothing about the job, just about the depression).
I mentioned my memory issues to the doctor and she actually took them seriously, saying they were probably related to the depression. I can't express quite how frustrating it is to tell a doctor about memory issues and to have him ask what things, specifically, I have difficulty remembering. It just seems like some bizarre psychological test or joke.
I really loathe depression. It's so irrational. Lately, I've been having so many anxiety attacks. I'm afraid of the telephone at work. I'm afraid of my boss' boss, who is a perfectly nice guy who has so many other things to focus on besides me. I'm freaked out about reports at work and homework for school. These are things I know I should be able to do, but I generally feel paralized. The prospect of writing this entry and the one right after it seem horribly daunting--they should be a breeze.
My doctor and pharmacist inform me that citalopram is relatively fast acting (2-4 weeks for first effects, 4-8 weeks for substantial effects). I hope so. My depression tends to add to my wife's stress levels. She takes such good care of me. I let her know how I was feeling last week and she called the doctor's office and got my appointment moved from January 2007 to today. I think I'd have already quit my job before getting to a January appointment (says nothing about the job, just about the depression).
I mentioned my memory issues to the doctor and she actually took them seriously, saying they were probably related to the depression. I can't express quite how frustrating it is to tell a doctor about memory issues and to have him ask what things, specifically, I have difficulty remembering. It just seems like some bizarre psychological test or joke.
